By Soleil

It appears the tables have turned , the mindset of society  use to be all black women were angry and bitter against black men. Well guess what ! Black men are just as bitter as the women . (BBM)  Bitter Black Men has become a common term in society these days. Many Black men are making poor choices when it comes to dating women and these past choices have left them feeling burned by love.   However , instead of taking the time to address their emotional needs they are jumping into one relationship after the other  with this excess emotional baggage. It’s unfortunate to that women who they are  current  dating because she is forced to deal with the backlash of those emotional constraints. Their bitterness is bred from a mix of emotions, anger, hurt, fear,  and distrust of women . Many brothers allows these  negative feelings to fester for too long until their views on women become distorted .

  Women who are left to deal with men that have been burned are in a tough position. You are forced to defend yourself and who you are as a women because of these men’s past relationships.  We  are not your ex- girlfriends and we should not have to pay for her mistakes. It is such an unfortunate state of mind for these men to  be in as their unresolved bitterness leads to them missing out on some really good sisters. Wake up brothers because if you don’t address your emotional issues you are going to miss out on some really good women .

The only way to alleviate this issue of men being bitter against women is for them to address their emotional issue. It’s unfair for women to be placed in a position in which  they have to fight to prove  their worth because of  the man’s insecurities. Far too many times men transfer their insecurities onto women which  leave many women with self-esteem issues. Enough is enough now… don’t tear me down emotional because your heart was broken.  Check your emotional baggage at the door men because we as women aren’t having it anymore. You say you want a good women so here I am but don’t pursue me until you have your emotional house in order .

 After browsing the web and doing a little read up on this topic, I found out that there’s actually a term called Angry Black Woman Syndrome (ABWS).  Well clearly, this is not a new question being asked.  It is clear to me that there are different opinions as to why black women are angry.  Some may say that black women are angry due to continuously engaging in failed relationships with men.  A cycle that could possibly be contributed to what I call daddy issues.  A young woman who lacks a loving relationship with her father ultimately seeks love in all the wrong places, thus, constantly and inevitably being hurt.   I say, this scenario doesn’t only apply to black women, many women from many races, have experienced a string of men, less than worthy of their love.  I believe that after being hurt so many times, women become bitter and mistrustful.  As little girls, we all have planned or at least fantasized about getting married and having children by a certain age.  All of us have fantasized about having a family and living the American dream; some of us dreamed of being successful in whatever career we chose, while others simply wanted to raise a family.  As women, a lot of us make the mistake of getting side tracked when a man comes our way that we think we could fall in love with.  We lose ourselves in the idea of being in a relationship and we kind of sweep our goals and dreams under the rug.  Then when things don’t work out the way it was supposed to, the relationship is over and we have nothing to show.  We now have to go back and find our dreams under that rug and start all over in our pursuit of happiness.  Unfortunately, many of us don’t learn from our mistakes the first time and we fall into a vicious pattern of getting involved in doomed relationships. 

Well, I’d like to say not only to black women, but to all women, shed this negative label given to us as being angry women.  As a woman who has experience my fair share of failed relationships, I reject the term angry black woman.  I had to check myself and realize that I have to make myself happy first.  As women we can’t wait on a man to make us happy, we have to make ourselves happy.  We have to pursue our goals and dreams; we have to love ourselves before we can love these men.  Ladies, get to know yourselves, know who you are and what you stand for.  Own your greatness and demand the respect that you deserve.  Once you know your worth and your value, your attitude will change and you will start to give off positive energy and you will attract the same.  You’ll come to realize that once you are happy within yourself, once you figure out who you really are and what you really want, you’ll see a difference in the type of people you attract.  I almost sank into the role of the bitter and angry black woman, I was sinking fast, but with prayer, God’s grace, soul searching and some positive words, I was uplifted into the role of the motivated, determined and self-assured black woman. 

Harmony

Ms. Juicy

Trusting too much too soon

What can I say about trusting too much too soon?...... DON’T DO IT!!! These days it would be foolish to trust someone before really getting to know them.  Once upon a time, I was the kind of person who would give 100% of my trust from jump street and it would be up to the individual to maintain that trust.  It was only when a person did something to break my trust did my trust in that person diminish.  I was the kind of person who believed that all people were essentially good.  I believed that for a person to be bad or do bad things that it was some event or unfortunate circumstance that made a person that way.  Something bad happened to that person to make them do bad things.  Well, I have learned some hard lessons over the years about people in this world.  The sad reality is that there are bad people in this world who are just “evil” by nature.  There are people who are untrustworthy and unfortunately, many of us get caught up and forget to put up our guards when getting to know someone. 

It is now my practice to keep my guards up long enough to get to know a person whether male or female before investing any form of trust.  Trust must be EARNED, it is not a right or privilege to be trusted, however, it is now a privilege to have my trust.  Nowadays, it doesn’t seem to me, that it’s a good idea to trust anyone completely (not trying to influence anyone, this is just my own hang-up, due to my own experiences).  All I’m saying is do your research on a person before trusting them; ask questions, observe that person, be on top of your game.  Pay attention to that person’s behavior and the things they are saying to you.   Personally, I’m putting your name in a Google search, looking you up on Facebook,  LexisNexis, Webcrims, etc.  I’m not playing, and ladies, when getting involved with a man, don’t believe everything he tells you right off the back.  THEY LIE!!!  A man is going to tell you what he needs to tell you, in order to get what he wants.  He is going to tell you everything he thinks you want to hear.   Just be careful not to trust too much too soon because when that trust gets broken, the disappointment hurts like hell.

HARMONY

He was tall, dark, and handsome with a smile that could melt your heart. After two months of dating you have butterflies in your stomach and your heart skips a beat when he calls. You are on cloud nine and your heart is telling you he is the one. So now you let your guards down completely without even a second thought that it might be too soon for you to be putting so much trust in a man you hardly even know.So now you’re out there completely exposed with no armor or sheild to protect yourself from the unkown.  You have consciously put your life, heart and well being at risk for some damn butterflies in your stomach. You don’t know this person or their history but you are willing to put all your trust in them. So now you find out those butterflies you were feeling was really your intuition telling you to get out of this situation before it’s too late.  After two black eyes and a broken rib later you find out your Mr. Right, the one who makes the bird’s chrip, the days a bit sunnier is a woman beater.

Everyday women place themselves in postions where they think with their hearts and not with their minds. Women trust too much too soon and doing so can lead to some serious consequences. We give trust and we take trust at face value far too easily. We believe in the person we are dating, in the façade they sell us and we tend to not ask questions.  Women tend to forget the world is ugly and people are evil, we have to take off the rose colored glasses and start using a bit more common sense. Caution is inherently valuable when dating and being careful with what we are being led to believe is wise.

Love is often about spontaneity and risk but not at the price of a broken heart. We need to protect ourseleves and getting to know a person before we let our guards down is very important. It’s a good idea when it comes to dating a man / women to watch them for a while, Not to rely on him/her or have strong expectations at first. See if this person can keep their word. Conduct a background check on that person . Dig a little deeper ladies  before you run off into lala land .

It is true even if you go slowly with ther person, there's always a risk. I think you have to trust your intuition and watch for those red flags that we all seem to ignore. But most imporatntly don’t trust anyone too much to soon … Protect yourself at all times because people always have an agenda and it is not always good

 Soleil

I believe the length of time a person pursues another individual depends on the level of tolerance a person has, as well as how interested this person is in the individual being pursued.  If a man sees a woman that he believes is well worth the wait, then he will use his time wisely by getting to know that woman.  He will woo that woman and wine and dine her; he will show her how interested he is in her during the courting phase.  Now if a man shows a woman that he is really into her, the chase will not go on forever.  As women, we are taught by our parents that if a man really likes you, he will be willing to wait.  We are taught that anything worth having is worth waiting for.  So as women, we have to be mindful of the signals that we give and the images that we portray of ourselves.  If we want to be taken seriously and we are looking for something real, then we have to uphold our standards and demand the respect that we deserve.  Now once a woman is confident that this man is really and truly into her and he has respected her boundaries and waited for her for however long she needed, trust me, he will get that woman.  I’ve always been told that good things come to those who wait.  I can’t put a timeframe on this because everyone has their own rules as to how long they need before folding, but as I said previously, if a man feels that this woman is worth the wait, then he’ll wait.  We as women must also feel and believe that we ARE worth the wait, because if we don’t feel that way about ourselves, we will give off the wrong kind of energy and attract the wrong kind of men. 

As for women who are waiting for men to get their acts together in order for a relationship to flourish and grow, that’s another story.  Sometimes women find themselves in situations where they are caught up in a relationship with a man who is not pulling his weight, but out of love, that woman holds that man down.  Out of love, that woman clings to a promise that man gave her that he is going to get his shit together and be the man he is supposed to be.  I know too many women that get caught and two or three years later down the line, nothing has changed.  Now you love that man, but damn, how long is too long to wait for him to get it together?  How long do you chase that dream of your man finally getting it right?  Where do you draw the line? I’m just saying!!!

                      Written by Soleil 

It is ingrained in us from childhood to chase after the things we desire the most in life whether  it’s that new car, new job , advancement in your education , or oh yes a pair of  Louboutins( shoe heaven). Our animalistic instinct drives us to chase down whatever our desires are until we finally get it. In the world of dating it is no different, when a man/woman fixes their eyes on a particular person of interest the gun sounds off and the chase begins. Now we know we all love the thrill of the chase, the rush, and ego boost it gives us when the opposite sex is chasing us. But the question is, how long is too long for the chase to go on?  Ladies how long do we play hard to get with a guy before we make the decision to fold and succumb to what we both want. For me this question requires a two fold answer, let me explain.

Now I am a woman of a certain caliber and have certain standards when it comes to dating.  I am also very old fashion.  My mother taught me very early on when it comes to men you don’t let them sample the milk too early or they will never buy the whole cow. That was probably one of the best lessons my mother could have ever taught me because it saved me from making some bad decisions when it came to the men I dated. For me, I do believe a man should chase a woman a bit and court her. For me it allows me to see the man I’m getting to know is interested and serious about getting to know me. It also allows me to separate the serious men from the game players.

However, ladies playing hard to get can back fire on you as well. Women are under this perception that men enjoy chasing us and have more respect for the woman who plays hard to get and does not appear to be easy. The reality is men enjoy the chase to an extent but when the chase turns into a marathon they start to lose interest and walk away. Ladies some of the guys we are playing these games with are good men with the potential to be good husbands. For example, No man is going to want to continue to keep pursuing a woman if every time he calls or text her, she waits 6 hours or even a day to call him back because we don’t want to appear too eager. We are notorious for playing games like that, or we decline a date with the guy because we already been out with him 4 x for the week and we don’t want him thinking we’re available to him 24/7, so instead you lie and say you have plans but your ass is on the couch in your bunny slippers bored out your mind.

Ladies playing hard to get is a part of the dating game but if you keep playing games for too long when it comes to dating you will find yourself by yourself.

                          Written by Juicy

 How long is too long? My answer to that is when you believe that you have exhausted all of your time, energy, and resources. I mean exhausted them to the point that if you give one more ounce of anything you stand the chance of losing yourself. Everything in this life that is worth having is worth waiting for. I truly believe this, but don't knock your own self out! If you divas are looking for me to give you a time frame as to how long a person should pursue or be pursued, I can't. Only you know your patience and tolerance level, so where one woman can wait for 3 years another woman is not willing to give up 3 months on a dude who can't get it together.

To many people, dating is a game or sport. When people finally start becoming true to themselves and get rid of the damn games, there would be no need for the chase. That is not to say that we all shouldn't be wined and dined, but when you are playing with someone’s feelings or emotions, all bets are off. So once again to you divas, if you believe that he or she, is worth having, fight and i mean really fight for it. Damn how long it takes but also keep your eyes open to signs and cues. It is nothing more stupid to me than a person who goes into war willingly and don't bring any damn bullets. (it’s a metaphor people, so if your confused it means go into every situation prepared ).

That's my opinion
Juicy, Over and Out

Becoming romantically involved with a long- time friend can have its benefits, but can also be risky.  When two people have been able to maintain a friendship for a lengthy period of time, this means they have chemistry.  Chemistry meaning, they have a lot in common, they enjoy a lot of the same things and they enjoy each other’s company.  It is that chemistry that allowed the friendship to flourish and grow.  Who better to be with, than someone you know you have so much in common with?  Anyone could say getting involved romantically with this person with whom you have so much chemistry, only seems right.  The two of you already know what the other one likes and dislikes.  The two of you may even know one another’s habits.  Based on all of this, it seems like it’s the perfect situation, until, the dynamics of the relationship changes, romantic feelings and sex becomes a part of the picture. 

What happens when that time comes for the two of you to have sex and one of you is sadly disappointed?  How do you handle that situation? Because you value your friendship and you don’t want to hurt the other person, you can choose to look past that or go as far as to teach the person how to please you.  If it still doesn’t work, you still stick it out because at the end of the day, you’re friendship and now relationship means that much to you; but now you risk cheating on your mate to find the sexual pleasure you’ve not been getting.   Another way to handle the situation is to gracefully bow out of the relationship and let your friend now that things aren’t working out; therefore, for the sake of your friendship the romantic relationship has to end. 

What happens when your friend turns out to suck as a boyfriend/girlfriend and you liked him/her better as just a friend?  You guys are great together as friends, but then when you hook up, you now have expectations of one another, expectations that are not being met and now things are going downhill.  You soon realize that things are not working out now not only is the relationship over, but your friendship will never be the same.

Personally, I believe that getting romantically involved with a long-time friend is risky, but if you are willing to take that risk go for it.  It may prove to be the best decision two friends have ever made in their lives or it can be one the worst decisions. 

Harmony

Written by Ms. Juicy

The decision to become romantically involved can be both good and bad but it depends on the true intention of why you became involved with the friend in the first place. Most people who become married or stay in long term relationships with each other started out their relationships as being friends. This puts you in a better position to form a meaningful relationship as opposed to meeting someone on the street that you don't know. Before becoming romantically involved with this friend, you would have already been made aware as to the type of person you would be dealing with. If this friend has been a friend for a long time, you have already decided that you could put up with their flaws, the things that make them human. You know some of their secrets; you have meet most of their friends, and have already become accustomed to their habits and routines. So, if the decision to take this friendship to the next level is made with the idea in mind of having a long term relationship, it’s a great idea!

I would say it’s a bad idea if the intention is to solely engage in a sexual relationship. When this happens, odds are that this sexual relationship would have to be kept a secret from the mutual friends both parties have in common. You would find yourself sneaking around and trying to find times and places where the other friends would not be just so that the two of you can "get down and dirty". Then how you interact with this person when your other friends are around becomes weird because you’re going to want to touch, hold, kiss this person, but you can’t because then it would no longer be a secret.

Keep in mind, the longer people spend time together, the closer they would become with each other, emotionally. Meaning that one of the two parties may catch feelings for the other friend and things really become complicated, if it’s a secret relationship. If the intention was to build a true relationship then growing closer together is ideal!

We are all sexual and horny creatures by nature, but we have to consciously make a decision if we are going to let these feelings rule our everyday lives. There are consequences to every action and inaction. So, if you are willing to take the chance on either situation, GO FOR IT! Always at the end of the day your goal should be to make yourself happy first and foremost!

That's my opinion,
Ms. Juicy, Over and Out

Written by Soleil

Love is really a crazy thing and who you fall in love with can sometimes be even crazier. Sometimes the one you were meant to be with the rest of your life can come in the form a friend    Which leads us to the question of should you become romantically involved with a friend. Well,  here was my situation, Rob and I were friends since childhood. Our families lived on the same block and were very close. He and I were like Tom and Jerry very close.  As we grew into young adults we maintained our friendship and our bond grew stronger. He would tell me about the girls he was dating or whatever problems he was going through and vice versa. One night we were hanging out and we were drinking and needless to say we drank a bit too much because we shared a kiss. This kiss was not just any kiss but that type of kiss which sends sparks through your body. On that night I realized I liked Rob a bit more than a friend. Nothing else happened between us that night and we never discussed the kiss. For me the dynamics of our relationship changed and I wanted much more but I did not want to admit it to Rob. For many  years  he  assumed our friendship was the same as it always was but for me, I  knew I wanted more I wanted to be with him. So I know you are wondering what happened between us, well I finally found the courage to tell him how I felt and we slept together. Well Ladies……. It was the worst thing I ever done!!!!!!!! The sex was garbage “I MEAN GARBAGE” his dick was small ….. I mean really small. It reminded me of the back of my damn knuckles. Well needless to say he thought it was the best sex he ever had. From that day on Rob wanted to pursue a relationship and I did not share the same feelings. I was completely turned off by the sex that I did not want to engage in anything else. Long story short after months of Rob trying to understand why I did not want to be with him like that, I had to tell him the truth ….. the sex was wack !!!!!!  Well guess what happened next our friendship went downhill…. We grew further and further apart until we stop speaking all together. So to answer the question should you sleep with your longtime friend, HELL NO!  

It is already hard enough for men and women to maintain a platonic relationship.  Sex complicates any relationship and it is not worth losing a friend over. If I could turn back the hands of time I would of never of slept with Rob because our friendship meant much more to me, which leaves me with a question for you Diva’s …. Can male and females really just be friends?

Soleil 

So my friends and I have had this conversation many times before. We all seem to have varying opinions.  I can only speak for myself when I say “don’t do it”.  I made this mistake once before and it is something I will never do again.  I was young and in love with the idea of having my own little family.  So in love with this idea, that I put my own personal goals aside for this man.  There I was at 23 years old and almost ready to purchase my first home.  Instead of following my dream and staying focused on my goals, I was more concerned about the welfare of my man.  Ladies, to make a long story short, I took my down payment for my house and paid three ways for an apartment, furnished the apartment and created what I thought was a home for me and my man.  I waited and waited and waited for this man to get on his feet and take the role he was supposed to take and be the provider.  Well, that never happened.  Five years and a child later, I was still keeping ship afloat.  It never happened, he never stepped his game up.  Well needless to say, that relationship ended.  Once I started to see that I was taking on more than I could handle and he was absolutely no help, there was no need for him to stick around…yeah, I gave him the boot.  

Call me old fashion, but I truly believe that a man’s role is to provide for his family.  Yes, I am an independent woman and I do not need a man to take care of me, however, should there come a time that I am struggling, I should not have to worry about where my next meal or the next month’s rent is coming from. I believe that if you are not in a position where you are able to hold the fort down financially in a relationship or for a family, you should not even entertain the idea of stepping to a woman.  Get your shit together first…as Steve Harvey spoke about in his book, find out who you are and what you are before trying to find a female.  Make sure you are financially capable before you step to a female.  All I can say is…after my past experiences ladies, unless a man can show me that he has a steady income and he is willing to share, I have no use for him. 

As I said before, I have spoken about this topic with quite a few women and everyone’s opinion varies.  Some feel it is okay to hold your man down for a period of time.  Some feel that if he’s not bringing something to the table from jump then he can keep it moving.  Some say it depends on how long you’ve been with this man and whether or not it is a marriage or a long term relationship.  So many factors came into play when this topic was brought up. So tell me ladies, what is your take on holding your man down?

Harmony

Written by Soleil

One of my best friends name Shay is in a relationship with a man who’s done nothing productive for himself in the past five years . I don’t know when things went so far downhill as Cory was not like this in the beginning  of their relationship . In the beginning Shay and Corey  were   living life to the fullest. Corey held a great position at a Hedge fund  company  and ensured Shay had the world at her feet. There was nothing in this world that he wouldn’t do for  her and vice versa. The money was flowing and life was good, they were taking 5 vacations every year staying at 5 star hotels , driving the latest luxury car and dropping cash on designer clothes as if their money was endless. Then things changed, that job  which paid him the six figure salary was no longer in play. The only income coming in was hers and  that was not enough to support the lifestyle  they were accustomed to living .  Shay loved her man and naturally as most women would do she held her man down . She told him she would pick up extra shifts at work until he got back on his feet . Well Ladies  5 years later Corey is still not back on his feet  and she is now working two jobs just to keep them afloat  while caring for 3 kids and oh yes… living in his mama basement .

So the question is , A Kept man how long is to long ?  Funny Shay ask me this question every time  we talk and my response is the same every time.  I am definitely a big supporter of holding my man down when times get hard as things happen in life which are beyond our control. But  when five years  has passed and he has not  made any effort to find one job  or bought a single penny into the household to contribute to bills, you are no longer holding your man down you are supporting him financially . For some women this works as they like having that type of control over a man but for me that shit isn’t going to fly . I will not go out to work every day and work my finger to the bone while you sit on your ass all day doing nothing and calculating how you are going to spend my paycheck before I even get it  talking about you need the latest loui boat shoes.  Excuse me Boo Boo , did you forget you’re not employed and those boat shoes cost $400.00. I don’t know about you ladies but I want a man , a partner, and someone who is my equal financially . I don’t need a leech or any additional children in my life. I want my man to play the role of  head of our household. I’m old school ladies and the man I am with needs to pull his weight in the relationship. I don’t care where my man works as long as he works . It would  not matter to me if he worked stock at Pathmark or flipped burgers at burger king . As long as he was making a honest living I would be fine .  Don’t get what I’m saying twisted ladies , I am not saying not to hold your man down and I do realize each situation is a case by case situation. I m just saying 5 years is to long to support a grown ass man who is able body and capable of working .

Truthfully there is no right or wrong answer to this question , but for me I am not supporting no man financially for over a year.  What would you Divas?

 Soleil 

Written by Ms. Juicy

How long is too long to hold you man down financially? I say it depends on the initial reason you began to hold him down in the first place, how long you have vested into the relationship and how long you can continue to do so.

If when the relationship began you were the only one reaching into your wallet and he has no idea how to tip at a restaurant, odds are you will continue to be in this predicament. The expectation will always be for you to come out of pocket. Knowing this to be true and you have accepted this roll, “long” will along become “too long” when you can no longer financially afford to do so. He is perfectly comfortable sitting back in his chair at the restaurant and passing the bill to you. Don’t “brainfuck” yourself by trying to change him when you knew going into the relationship that this was how it is! The timeframe for this is solely on you, your financial banking institution, and how long it takes for you to wake the hell up.

Now, you and your man have been together for years and if your dude hit a financial rough spot more recently (let’s say for argument purposes less than 6 months ago) but he has always held you down previously, then is say ride it out as long as he is actively trying to change his situation and you can afford to. In situations like this, to leave him “high and dry” after he had broke the bank for you on numerous occasions would be the act of a shallow woman.

In society today, it is always the notion that the man must pay for everything all the time. So I guess the real question should be, is he and this relationship worth you adjusting your monetary budget? If not, “long” becomes “too long” the first time he puts his hand out. But if yes, you hold your man down as long as you can and as long as he is not content in this situation.

That’s my opinion,

Ms. Juicy, Over and Out

Written by Siren

 Ladies, how long is too long to hold down your man financially?

Ladies, are we lowering our standards to get and keep a man?

The sorry truth to that question is yes.  As women we are so emotional and need that bonding time with the opposite sex, therefore we go with the, as I like to call them  "The Good Enough Guys".  The guys that are still "trying to get their lives together at 42 or the 35 year old that are trying to save money by living with their parents.  They look good, smell good and talk a good game but they are Heartbreaks and Disappointments waiting to happen. I sit home on Friday and Saturday nights and say "Damn, I should call that 23 year old dude that just moved here with no job and no car because I'm lonely?" Then I ask myself "do I really need the headache?" I decide, nope! I rather find a steamy porno to watch on T.V. and drink a glass of wine! I'm done with those dudes! If you don't have a decent vehicle, job, your own place (no roommates) and good sex, there will be no date.  We have to shake this on-going disease! If you know your worth we must stop dating down! If you have a good job, you deserve a man with a good job! If you have a nice car, you deserve a man with a nice car, if you are mature and have your life together you deserve a mature mate that has their life together.  Know what you want and don't settle for less. It's the only cure! Now, on the other hand, if you just need to get a tune-up, it is absolutely fine.  Just don't get emotionally attached and always remember what your goal is: get some nukkie and keep it pushin! ;-)

 Siren

Written by Soleil

What an epidemic this concept has become inside the dating world.  More and More women are lowering their standards when it comes to finding and dating a man.  I understand that it has become very challenging to find a good man, especially one that is husband material, but have women really lost faith in finding Mr. Right and instead is gravitating towards Mr. Wrong.  As women we have worked hard to be recognized as equals to our male counterparts and even in 2011 we are still struggling to obtain the due respect we deserve.   So ladies, please tell me why are we moving backwards and making a conscious decision to date men who are not on the same level as us in regards to status, career or even appearance.   Have we become so desperate that we are willing to devalue ourselves and date any man that crosses our path  for the sake of saying we have a man. In every other area of our lives we strive for the best so why are we not holding this same standard when it comes to dating a man.  Is having a man so important that you are willing to date a man who is verbally abusive to you, unemployed, uneducated, and yes unattractive.  Don’t you think you are worth much more than that?  Well I sure as hell feel that I am worth more than that and then some.

Far too many times I listen to my girlfriends tell me they hate being by themselves, they feel lonely, everyone else has a man, and the classic, it’s better than spending a Friday night alone.  Ladies wake the “FUCK UP “, since when do we need a man to determine our worth and who we are as women.  You deserve more and are worth more.   If you are an educated woman then you deserve an educated man. If you are an attractive woman with a good job then you deserve a man with the same qualities.  “STOP SETTLING FOR LESS”! I worked too damn hard to get where I am educationally, financially, emotionally and spiritually for me to date a man that is not on an even playing field as me. I deserve the best and that is what I am going to look for when it comes to men.

Maybe the truth is we are scared of being alone with ourselves.   Maybe the problem is that we as women aren’t spending enough time with ourselves. Too many times when we get out of one relationship we get into another one immediately after because we hate being by ourselves. Instead of taking the time to process what went wrong in the previous relationship and strengthen ourselves mentally, physically and emotionally we instead, latch on to a man that we know is no good for us.  Ladies know your worth and keep your standards high because you are worth more than gold.

 Soleil 

Written by Harmony

Ever since my early twenties, my girlfriend and I have always said that we would never lower our standards to get a man.  Now I must admit that over the years, I have looked in the other direction and ignored certain attributes of some of the men I’ve dated.  At my age now, looking back, I would definitely change a lot of the decisions I’ve made.  Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying I’ve lowered my standards….I’ve just ignored or should I say looked past certain things.  As I look back on all of my experiences over the years, I can safely say that not only will I never lower my standards for a man, but I now know that it is going to be extremely difficult for me to give any man the benefit of the doubt. 

As an educated young woman who has struggled and fought to get a higher education in order to live a certain kind of lifestyle, why should I allow a man who has no motivation to come into my life and hold me back?  If I am constantly looking for ways to elevate, I expect the same motivation from my man.  Once I begin to feel as though I am no longer growing, there is a problem.  Ladies, any man you have should be able to compliment what you’ve already accomplished in life.  Your man is supposed enhance your life and make it that much better. 

Now I’ve had this conversation with a couple of my girlfriends.  One viewpoint highlighted the fact that a man doesn’t need to have money and riches to love you the way you need to be loved.  The question was, “should you pass up on true love simply because a man doesn’t meet your standards as far as finances, social status, spirituality, etc.? Well, I’ve already stated my stance on the subject….as far as I’m concerned, love does not pay the bills, love is not going to take me on vacation and love is not going to buy my dream house.  Ladies, what do you think?

Harmony

Written by Ms. Juicy

I've known Dana since I was in elementary school. At about the age of
23, Dana was already a well- established administrator in a governmental
agency and on the fast track for promotion. At this point, Dana has no
children, her own place and a luxury car. While cruising alone on the
streets of New York she happens to pass by Maurice. Maurice is what you
would call a momma boy thug. Sounds like an oxymoron but I’ll explain.
He grew up in the streets; ex-con, sold drugs, and would put you 6 feet
under if you mess with his family. His mother is number one in his life
and he would gladly lay down his life if it meant saving hers.

Over a decade later, they are married with children. Dana is still
breaking her way through the glass ceiling at her agency. Maurice has
slowed his life down tremendously after the kids and has a steady job
in which he pays taxes every week. They own their own home, each person
with their own automobile and the children are doing well in school.

So in this instance, Dana began dating waaaaaay down when she met
Maurice and boy was her family pissed about the situation. Dana liked
what she saw and went after it. Damn the opinion of others, their
remarks, comments, and cross looks. Dana saw potential in Maurice and
went full throttle after Maurice, and she got him.

In this society, it is frowned upon when one person in a relationship
is dating someone who is not even near their economic or educational
level. And it is deemed to be worse when it is the woman who is more
well off than the guy. Ladies, if you want to make people
uncomfortable, take your man to a high class restaurant. You wear top
of the line clothing and have him come in with some jeans and a
t-shirt. If you never saw heads turn before, you will then. Now take
that same man, put him in a Versace suit and you walk into the same
restaurant wearing some clothing from a thrift shop. Yes some heads
would turn but I promise you that it wouldn't be as many as the first
scenario.

So my take on dating down, who should really give a damn but you. If
you are comfortable in stepping out of what is deemed to be a societal
norm and date someone who you know can’t pay the whole dinner check, and
you like him, do it! If at the end of the day it’s just his financial
situation which separates you two, and you’re in the position to care for
you both, AND he makes you happy, DO YOU!! The people who spend their
lives looking for a mirror image of themselves, spend most of their
lives looking at themselves alone. Just be mindful that the miner has to
dig down to get that rare diamond!!

Ms. Juicy,  Over and Out